By Johan Bornman

Take back your drivetrain’s life from unscrupulous bike mechanics!

The sciences of lubrication, friction and wear have long come to understand that the best lubricant for a bicycle’s chain is plain old mineral-oil. Not wax, not graphite, not liquid Teflon (which doesn’t exist), and definitely not virgin olive oil.

Dry wax lubricants are a combination of a volatile carrier fluid with a waxy substance. Once squirted onto the chain the solvent evaporates, leaving the 'waxy' coating. At first, the chain is quiet and lubricated and like the bottle says: “there is no black mess”. However, this is no free lunch and very quickly – even after just two or three hours of riding – the waxy substance is worked out of the joints and it cannot flow back into the interface (the waxy stuff being a solid). The result is inevitably a dry, unprotected and noisy chain.

Liquid oil, on the other hand, is compressed out of the small recesses and cavities of the chain during each cycle, but flows back when pressure is taken off it, i.e. it flows back into the pin / sideplate interface during the link’s journey within the drivetrain.

Washing wax based lubricants off is another matter. After one or two applications you’ll have so much build-up on the jockey wheels and parts of the chain where (ironically) lubrication is not needed, that you’ll be searching for something to dissolve the mess it made with.

I’m sure you’ve often heard someone say that oil “attracts” dirt, but it bears to remember that oil has no magnetic properties: it merely traps whatever lands on it. Yes it is a problem, but far less so than a chain that’s dry. In addition, the dirt collecting on the outside of the chain doesn’t matter; it’s the oil contained ‘within’ the chain that’s doing the real work.

Silicone based spray lubricants may silence noisy door hinges, but they’re quite useless for bike chains. They are simply a combination of a volatile carrier saturated with very light oil. Although the spray quickly penetrates deep into the chain, the grade of oil remaining behind is simply too thin for use on a chain. It offers little more lubrication than water, and is about as long-lasting. A chain lubricated with silicone spray makes a sound typical of a dry chain. Save your chain from it! (Motorcycle-chain lubricant  also comprises of oil within a  volatile carrier, but its of a better, heavier grade that maintains lubrication (even in prolonged riding).)

The drawback of spray lubricants is the overspray. Apart from messy blotches on the floor, it  also has the habit of getting onto the rear rim, where it at first makes it impossible to brake  and later starts to dissolve the brake pad rubber creating a gooey mess on the rim that makes the brakes ‘grabby’ and noisy.

So how do you choose a good lubricant? Go to your bike shop and find a product that openly professes to be oil. Anything with the word “dry” or “wax” should be ignored. Find oil that’s viscous enough (not too thin) to not fly off the chain when you start spinning fast, but that’s also not too gooey to develop long toffee-trails where the chain exits from the sprockets. Brand names are not important; we’re talking good old mineral-oil pumped from the guts of the earth.

Brand name bicycle oil is often ridiculously overpriced. If you don’t want to pay the equivalent of a gazillion dollars per barrel, use plain old engine oil. It works well, but I don’t like the fact that engine oil is just a teensy bit too thin and throws tiny little drops of black onto my shiny, silver rims. If you don’t want to start your own oil refinery in the garage, I recommend one of the more tenacious bicycle oils typically sold as MTB oil.

I have experimented with chainsaw oil (also called “bar oil”) on my chain. This oil is very thick and designed not to fly off fast-moving chainsaw chains. However, it is a bit too sticky and soils your back wheel by throwing off spider web-thin trails as the wheel turns. I have experimented with a mix of engine oil and bar oil and came up with the perfect viscosity that neither throws off drops nor pulls trails. This mix, which ended up as a 2-litre batch, will now last me for the rest of my life. (And my bikes’.) I dispense it sparingly onto my chain by using a simple oil dropper bottle.

When touring, I never take oil with me. The bottle always leaks and causes a mess in my saddle bag. Instead, I make use of the free, complimentary lubrication services offered en route. Pull in at a convenience garage, head for the black plastic rubbish bin and scratch around until you find an “empty” oil can. Inside you’ll find at least 25 ml of oil, enough to lubricate an entire pro Tour squad’s bikes. Now - courtesy of your average smoker - find a used match. Tilt and manoeuvre the can until you get to some oil, dip the match and dispense the oil, one drop on every second link, and ride effortlessly into the sunset.

Prolonged wet riding effectively cleans all oil (and grit) from bike chains. This isn’t a problem as long as it keeps on raining, as water is also a lubricant, and a wet, oil-free chain is still a happy chain. However, when it starts to dry out, the chain will start squeaking. Pull up at your first friendly petrol stop and make use of the free bike lube service they didn’t even know they offer!

And remember: if it ain't broke, fix it!